Dear Anne,
I was late again to therapy today...I have such a problem with that. Angie suggests that I prioritize because I'm not functioning at my full potential right now, and do only those things that are absolutely necessary to survive:
1) Attend therapy & take medicines.
2) Study.
3) Attend classes.
4) Eat & try not to oversleep.
I have to cleanse so I can start afresh again, so I will begin with the above. All else is out. I say this, but I still have an AMSA meeting tomorrow that I'm supposed to run, Courtwarming coming up for the sorority, Alumni Day for ODK, two AMSA events in the next month with Conference soon after that, MSAC next week, Sojourner every Sunday, Sorority every Sunday, orchestra rehearsal every Tuesday...it's just too much!
I had a Pathology test today, which I found fair. I think I'm on the borderline as to passing. None of the material was drastically unfamiliar or anything. I wish I had studied harder, but I think I maybe did OK. Guess I will find out in 1-2 days.
I'm going to visit the cousins in OP this weekend, that's always relaxing. And I will stop by JA's dancing show while I'm down there.
I am so jealous of my roomate sometimes...often. There's always someone who cares about her and wants to spend time with her, and I wonder...why don't I have anyone like that? I mean, I know she cares about me...but I feel like I'm a nuisance when she could be with so many others. And half the time I don't think she actually wants me around. I don't know.
I found a new song I like: Le disco by Shiny Toy Guns. It's so wierd it's awesome, I've had it stuck in my head all day.
31 January, 2007
Dear Anne,
I am having trouble studying, as usual. I'm not sleepy yet though, which is a definite improvement. I went to the Counseling Center this morning to meet with the two group moderators. They were very nice but they smiled a lot and I didn't know what to say a lot. I told them I probably wouldn't talk very much in group, but they seemed to believe that once I got comfortable I would open up a little bit.
I meet with A**** tomorrow morning....in a few hours actually. I haven't seen her in a while and the past two weeks have been especially bad, so I will need to get there on time and really talk to her about some things tomorrow morning. She's probably going to ask me about break, and about the last two weeks and why they've been so bad. My primary physician told me I should seriously think about admitting myself into and ER. I don't think I could ever do that - they'd lock me up for 72 hours! I don't need that.
I have calmed down a bit about men, now that I realize that the only one that makes any difference to me is A***. I just talked to him, he helped me study a little bit. He's so wonderful in so many ways, it's amazing. I don't know what I would do without him to talk to and think about. I can't wait to see him at conference.
I am definitely going to national conference for AMSA. At first I had trouble deciding between that or sorority formal, but I just can't miss out on the conference and the amazing opportunities they're going to have there. Paul Farmer, Sanjay Gupta and Barack Obama? When will I ever get the chance to meet them? I really can't pass it up. I'm very excited!
Being vegan is harder than I had thought, because it's just so hard to find vegan food when you need to buy out and don't have time to cook for yourself. I had to go two places to find what I thought was a vegan sandwich but ended up having cheese in it. I've been to the grocery store so much in the past week, and I went twice today. But I don't think my health is failing anymore, I feel better and I like the fact that I eat healthy and have self-control over my diet and therefore, myself. Hopefully I can start applying this to my academics also. I am late to everything, so forgetful, and so out of it! I can't seem to concentrate on anything, let alone prepare for exams properly...I don't know what is wrong with me! It's scary...everything I'm doing depends on my ability to be academically strong, and I don't think I am at all anymore. I've still got a lot of problems to work on, but at least I know that I have the ability to change things in my life, and that I do have will power.
I am having trouble studying, as usual. I'm not sleepy yet though, which is a definite improvement. I went to the Counseling Center this morning to meet with the two group moderators. They were very nice but they smiled a lot and I didn't know what to say a lot. I told them I probably wouldn't talk very much in group, but they seemed to believe that once I got comfortable I would open up a little bit.
I meet with A**** tomorrow morning....in a few hours actually. I haven't seen her in a while and the past two weeks have been especially bad, so I will need to get there on time and really talk to her about some things tomorrow morning. She's probably going to ask me about break, and about the last two weeks and why they've been so bad. My primary physician told me I should seriously think about admitting myself into and ER. I don't think I could ever do that - they'd lock me up for 72 hours! I don't need that.
I have calmed down a bit about men, now that I realize that the only one that makes any difference to me is A***. I just talked to him, he helped me study a little bit. He's so wonderful in so many ways, it's amazing. I don't know what I would do without him to talk to and think about. I can't wait to see him at conference.
I am definitely going to national conference for AMSA. At first I had trouble deciding between that or sorority formal, but I just can't miss out on the conference and the amazing opportunities they're going to have there. Paul Farmer, Sanjay Gupta and Barack Obama? When will I ever get the chance to meet them? I really can't pass it up. I'm very excited!
Being vegan is harder than I had thought, because it's just so hard to find vegan food when you need to buy out and don't have time to cook for yourself. I had to go two places to find what I thought was a vegan sandwich but ended up having cheese in it. I've been to the grocery store so much in the past week, and I went twice today. But I don't think my health is failing anymore, I feel better and I like the fact that I eat healthy and have self-control over my diet and therefore, myself. Hopefully I can start applying this to my academics also. I am late to everything, so forgetful, and so out of it! I can't seem to concentrate on anything, let alone prepare for exams properly...I don't know what is wrong with me! It's scary...everything I'm doing depends on my ability to be academically strong, and I don't think I am at all anymore. I've still got a lot of problems to work on, but at least I know that I have the ability to change things in my life, and that I do have will power.
29 January, 2007
Dear Anne,
I am so in love. I've fallen in love and it's amazing. I thought if I stopped talking to him for a while that I would get over it but I'm just as in love as I was...I love him so much. I still hold out hope that we can be together, that our families will get over the religion and we'll be together...I love him so much! I'm so happy...but I want to be with him so bad...he's so far away. I miss him so much. He's my darling, dearest, my precious and I miss him and I want to be in his arms...
sigh...I like being in love.
I am so in love. I've fallen in love and it's amazing. I thought if I stopped talking to him for a while that I would get over it but I'm just as in love as I was...I love him so much. I still hold out hope that we can be together, that our families will get over the religion and we'll be together...I love him so much! I'm so happy...but I want to be with him so bad...he's so far away. I miss him so much. He's my darling, dearest, my precious and I miss him and I want to be in his arms...
sigh...I like being in love.
Dear Anne,
Being of course, the politics-obsessed-nerd that I am, I am following up with news on the new thousands of candidates for the presidency. I am, of course, backing my dear idol Ms. Hillary Clinton. Barack Obama I think will make an amazing president someday...someday after he's got some more experience. He's been a junior senator for two years - that's not enough to run a country on, however popular you may be. I'm sorry, but I think it's rather irresponsible and arrogant of him to think the job is that easy. I don't feel like John Edwards would be up to the job either. Of course, I speak only about Democrats here because I am a die-hard liberal! I just laugh at the fact that Mr. Bible-pushing Brownback (a man to whom I send many disagreeable emails and letters) is ACTUALLY foolish enough to think he should be a contender.
Below is a copy of the blog entry I wrote for Hillary Clinton's candidacy website. I doubt I'll make it, but either way, it's out here for the world to see:
For so many American girls out there, Hillary Clinton is THE woman to look up to. I'm not a little girl anymore, but I still have so much to learn, and I'm glad Hillary is there to show the way.
There are just so many extraordinary things about her. She is an excellent politician, poised and professional, a good example for all women and a trailblazer as we can easily see - the first woman president? Of course! No doubt in my mind.
In today's crazy world, there is so much wrong I can see every time I turn around. People are dying in Iraq, bombs still explode around the world, innocent people still are tortured and subjected to violence, millions of Americans still live on the street eating what they can, let alone avoiding salt so they're blood pressure doesn't get higher. Not only can Hillary be a woman president, she can be a GOOD president - one that is there for us, for the American people, someone we can respect. Respect is so important, and it is slowly disappearing from the world. I think Hillary is the person to bring it back.
I came to medical school because I want to save the world, even if it's only one life at a time. I want to serve my community, do something worthwhile with my life and live knowing I have a purpose. Hillary, thank you - you show me that other people live this way also, and that you can help the world and your community. Thank you for conversing with us, the American people, for caring about what concerns us and how to improve this country.
I respect you. I look up to you. And Ms. Clinton, I too am "in it to win it."
Being of course, the politics-obsessed-nerd that I am, I am following up with news on the new thousands of candidates for the presidency. I am, of course, backing my dear idol Ms. Hillary Clinton. Barack Obama I think will make an amazing president someday...someday after he's got some more experience. He's been a junior senator for two years - that's not enough to run a country on, however popular you may be. I'm sorry, but I think it's rather irresponsible and arrogant of him to think the job is that easy. I don't feel like John Edwards would be up to the job either. Of course, I speak only about Democrats here because I am a die-hard liberal! I just laugh at the fact that Mr. Bible-pushing Brownback (a man to whom I send many disagreeable emails and letters) is ACTUALLY foolish enough to think he should be a contender.
Below is a copy of the blog entry I wrote for Hillary Clinton's candidacy website. I doubt I'll make it, but either way, it's out here for the world to see:
For so many American girls out there, Hillary Clinton is THE woman to look up to. I'm not a little girl anymore, but I still have so much to learn, and I'm glad Hillary is there to show the way.
There are just so many extraordinary things about her. She is an excellent politician, poised and professional, a good example for all women and a trailblazer as we can easily see - the first woman president? Of course! No doubt in my mind.
In today's crazy world, there is so much wrong I can see every time I turn around. People are dying in Iraq, bombs still explode around the world, innocent people still are tortured and subjected to violence, millions of Americans still live on the street eating what they can, let alone avoiding salt so they're blood pressure doesn't get higher. Not only can Hillary be a woman president, she can be a GOOD president - one that is there for us, for the American people, someone we can respect. Respect is so important, and it is slowly disappearing from the world. I think Hillary is the person to bring it back.
I came to medical school because I want to save the world, even if it's only one life at a time. I want to serve my community, do something worthwhile with my life and live knowing I have a purpose. Hillary, thank you - you show me that other people live this way also, and that you can help the world and your community. Thank you for conversing with us, the American people, for caring about what concerns us and how to improve this country.
I respect you. I look up to you. And Ms. Clinton, I too am "in it to win it."
27 January, 2007
Jan 27
Dear Anne,
This is my first post. I'm not usually into the online blog thing, but I'm getting tired of handwriting in my diary - yes, that is the only reason this is here. It's not for anyone's entertainment.
No real names, not even mine. If I get sick of this it will disappear as quickly as it came.
Since the age of 13, I have begun most all of my diary entries with "Dear Anne." I got my diary on my 13th birthday, which just happens to be the same day as Anne Frank's birthday. She got her diary on her 13th birthday, and chronicled some very important happenings addressed to the name for her diary. So I thought it right that I include her in mine - we share a birthday, why not innermost thoughts and feelings too?
Maybe someday my life will matter, like hers did.
This is my first post. I'm not usually into the online blog thing, but I'm getting tired of handwriting in my diary - yes, that is the only reason this is here. It's not for anyone's entertainment.
No real names, not even mine. If I get sick of this it will disappear as quickly as it came.
Since the age of 13, I have begun most all of my diary entries with "Dear Anne." I got my diary on my 13th birthday, which just happens to be the same day as Anne Frank's birthday. She got her diary on her 13th birthday, and chronicled some very important happenings addressed to the name for her diary. So I thought it right that I include her in mine - we share a birthday, why not innermost thoughts and feelings too?
Maybe someday my life will matter, like hers did.
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