Dear Anne,
It's been a long time since I could remember why I care so much about Nikita, and why I consider her such a good friend. But now I remember what was so dear about my roommate--she is always there for me when I need her, when I really need her. I really needed a friend today, after I realized why it is that family cannot always be counted on. Perhaps I overreacted by crying, but I felt betrayed, alone, and upset, and I am so glad that someone was there to make me feel better.
13 July, 2007
03 July, 2007
Dear Anne,
My roomate is probably freaked out. I've been gaining more self-confidence in speaking up about things, and bringing buried things back to the surface that have been bothering me for months or more. I almost feel bad that I'm just throwing all this at her at once, but it needs to be brought up and I think I'm doing well in doing it kindly and tastefully. I haven't been starting fights or being mean at all, but I've been trying to stand up for myself and the way I think. I needs to be done, because she does completely destroy my self-worth without realizing it, much as she tries consciously to do the exact opposite. I might lose a roomate, maybe even a friend, but at least I'll get back my self-respect and the will to live.
My roomate is probably freaked out. I've been gaining more self-confidence in speaking up about things, and bringing buried things back to the surface that have been bothering me for months or more. I almost feel bad that I'm just throwing all this at her at once, but it needs to be brought up and I think I'm doing well in doing it kindly and tastefully. I haven't been starting fights or being mean at all, but I've been trying to stand up for myself and the way I think. I needs to be done, because she does completely destroy my self-worth without realizing it, much as she tries consciously to do the exact opposite. I might lose a roomate, maybe even a friend, but at least I'll get back my self-respect and the will to live.
01 July, 2007
Dear Anne,
It seems, nowadays, that everytime I write I have something to write about my roomate. She seems to be pissing me off more and more lately. Today, she continued her latest (by latest, I mean, for the past few months) rant of telling me what to do as far as drinking. Alright, she is trying to protect me, but she's doing it in a very demeaning and overstepping sort of way that clues me in to the fact that she's really only doing to save herself the headache of taking care of me, when I am not doing that to her, even after Monday night's despicable episode. I have never told her to stop drinking...it's just not my place, and I wish she would realize that it's just not her place. Unfortunately, though, it appears I will again have to shed tears and tell her openly what hurts me, and I despise having to do that. She's idiotic in that she knows she pisses me off and when she pisses me off because she can tell that I look pissed off....and yet, she doesn't seem to be able to take that clue. Ever.
How dare she tell me what to do? It's one thing to suggest, but to order me around like a child? Tell me how many drinks I can and can't have? And yet, after she messed up, she gave herself another chance. Not fair! I didn't get another chance! I didn't get to choose for myself! And how come I'm always the one who has to drive everywhere? How come when I'm a bad drunk she's pissed off at me and gives me the silent treatment the next day and I apologize profusely but she doesn't notice that she even screwed up? How come I'm always wrong about everything? How come I'm the stupid, slow one? It's not fair. And I'm sick of it. It needs to stop. I demand respect and I'm damn sick of the fact that she doesn't give it to me. I shouldn't even have to have a conversation with her about it. I shouldn't have to beg my friends for respect; forget it, I've already lost respect for her because she didn't have the courtesy to return it to me.
I hate her so much. She treats me like I'm stupid and that she's right about everything: every little thing we disagree about, there's no possible way that I'm right (even directions, song lyrics, etc.), both roomate-y and friendship-y. She doesn't respect my opinions on anything. She walks all over me (I always drive us around, etc.) She humiliates me in front of other people and in private (she has this look she always gives me like "fuck you're so stupid why are you even talking.") She's an attention-hog and everything she says is about sex. She complains about getting slightly lower than perfect grades and having too many boys like her when she knows that I'm always nearly failing out of school and always feeling lonely while my mother pressures me to get married. Its like I'm her sidekick, and even that, she's irritated that I'm around. Maybe she is irritated I'm around and wants me to go away--that's fine, I will. I need to find another apartment.
I didn't get any exercising done today. I need to go exercise tomorrow and stop hanging out with her. I hate life, I'm still so stressed out and my ONE job this summer is to not stress out!
It seems, nowadays, that everytime I write I have something to write about my roomate. She seems to be pissing me off more and more lately. Today, she continued her latest (by latest, I mean, for the past few months) rant of telling me what to do as far as drinking. Alright, she is trying to protect me, but she's doing it in a very demeaning and overstepping sort of way that clues me in to the fact that she's really only doing to save herself the headache of taking care of me, when I am not doing that to her, even after Monday night's despicable episode. I have never told her to stop drinking...it's just not my place, and I wish she would realize that it's just not her place. Unfortunately, though, it appears I will again have to shed tears and tell her openly what hurts me, and I despise having to do that. She's idiotic in that she knows she pisses me off and when she pisses me off because she can tell that I look pissed off....and yet, she doesn't seem to be able to take that clue. Ever.
How dare she tell me what to do? It's one thing to suggest, but to order me around like a child? Tell me how many drinks I can and can't have? And yet, after she messed up, she gave herself another chance. Not fair! I didn't get another chance! I didn't get to choose for myself! And how come I'm always the one who has to drive everywhere? How come when I'm a bad drunk she's pissed off at me and gives me the silent treatment the next day and I apologize profusely but she doesn't notice that she even screwed up? How come I'm always wrong about everything? How come I'm the stupid, slow one? It's not fair. And I'm sick of it. It needs to stop. I demand respect and I'm damn sick of the fact that she doesn't give it to me. I shouldn't even have to have a conversation with her about it. I shouldn't have to beg my friends for respect; forget it, I've already lost respect for her because she didn't have the courtesy to return it to me.
I hate her so much. She treats me like I'm stupid and that she's right about everything: every little thing we disagree about, there's no possible way that I'm right (even directions, song lyrics, etc.), both roomate-y and friendship-y. She doesn't respect my opinions on anything. She walks all over me (I always drive us around, etc.) She humiliates me in front of other people and in private (she has this look she always gives me like "fuck you're so stupid why are you even talking.") She's an attention-hog and everything she says is about sex. She complains about getting slightly lower than perfect grades and having too many boys like her when she knows that I'm always nearly failing out of school and always feeling lonely while my mother pressures me to get married. Its like I'm her sidekick, and even that, she's irritated that I'm around. Maybe she is irritated I'm around and wants me to go away--that's fine, I will. I need to find another apartment.
I didn't get any exercising done today. I need to go exercise tomorrow and stop hanging out with her. I hate life, I'm still so stressed out and my ONE job this summer is to not stress out!
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