Dear Anne,

I've been wanting to write for a while now, but just been so busy. I'm on surgery, so 12-hour days are not conducive to late night reflection...and neither is the fact that I still have Sojourner paperwork (increased now that our data collection requirement has been risen), AMSA calling, emails, and paperwork, and multiple applications (I'm applying for next year's AMSA JRLD, the CDC Experience Fellowship, and the Mongan Fellowship).

It's stressful at times, but I do love surgery. In fact, I am considering it as a career plan. I had thought I'd finally found myself in IM/Preventative Medicine, but I just love surgery so much. There is nothing like the OR...its' so hardcore, everyone is always on your case, I have to work my ass off...and I love it. I sincerely love it. It pushes me just enough to the edge to do my best work.

There are so many essays and personal statements to write with all these applications. I have just barely scratched the surface. I do hope I am accepted to either JRLD or CDC Epidemiology...they would both be such great experiences, but I think I would really truly enjoy being JRLD. I've always wanted to, it would be like one of my life's big goals. I can still remember sending that accidental email in response to the call for LAD long ago, as a Year 1...and not understanding it...but once I did, it was all I wanted.

The problem currently is multifold:
1) My low-ass Step 1 Score = will I match?! In anything?
2) second to #1, will I match into Surgery?!
3) regardless of my ability to match, surgery is not on the preventative medicine/public health track that I had planned out for myself, it's not necessarily in line with the AMSA/CDC/public health persona I've created! If I choose surgery, do I give up all that other work I did? If I choose IM/Preventative Med, am I giving up my true love?

These are the things that plague my mind currently. They say the best minds are always busy...is mine a little too busy?