Dear Anne,

The more I think about it, the more I want to be a surgeon. I really really enjoyed it, it fits my personality, it fits my lifestyle...

My doubts?
- what about health policy?
- will i survive? physically?

That's pretty much what's keeping me -- I love health policy and that so traditionally goes along with primary care medicine. What the hell would a surgeon be doing? What the hell would a surgeon have time to do?! But I want to be a surgeon....so bad.

Dear Anne,

I got a "Satisfactory Pass" on Surgery, by 2 points on the NBME Clerkship Exam. 2 POINTS. I am so pissed. Everything else was good enough to get a High Pass. Why couldn't he give me a high pass? Now it doesn't matter if I want to go into Surgery or not, I cant get it! I am so upset.

And stressed, I am so stressed, about everything. I am wondering if I need to go see a counselor again, not that I have time. I work all day everyday, from 7-9am to 5pm, no matter what service I'm on. I don't understand, I hate that no physician has a life or any free time. It's annoying. We work full days and weekends. It's just work, work, work...

When should I take Step 2? When should I go on my Sub-I's? Where? In what? When do I apply? Should I take a year off for a fellowship? Why can I not remember anything? Why am I so stupid? What should I go into? Will I match? Is there any way to make up for my Step 1 Score?! I hate myself.